I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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