We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
