He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
