I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
