Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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