she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
