Dude my mom stole all your condoms
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
