I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
bring money and cleavage
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
