Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
