afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
