yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
