I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
