okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
