he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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