she was so not down for the gang bang
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
