Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
