please come you make the beer taste better
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
