Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You made out with two different species that night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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