Where is the hickey?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
