I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
