Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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