# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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