im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
