i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
