All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
