I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
