found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
