I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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