good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
