If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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