I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
