his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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