I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
