Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
