Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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