I can tuck mytits in my pants
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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