and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
