if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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