Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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