Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
