I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
