loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
