Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
