i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
