you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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