Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
