Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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