Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
