Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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