i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
