Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
