You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
