it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
