Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
