im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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