Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
