We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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