so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
