i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
