i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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