I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
