u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
