he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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