just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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