she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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