Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
