Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
