I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
