I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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