Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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