"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
