Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if only i could text you this smell
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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