you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
only you would photoshop your dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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