I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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