After last night, I could never be a politician.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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