census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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