I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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