I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
try to milk me bitch
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize