Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
