The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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