Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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