Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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