Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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