I accidentally burped into my bong.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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