Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
