eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
