I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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