He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize