One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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