Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize