Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
