I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My ass is underappreciated
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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