Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
