is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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