My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
