why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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