actually, I'm a sock model
At least make sure they are 18
Why
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Someone shattered a urinal.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
